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Have you noticed how many different idioms there are about anger in the English language? We talk about bristling with anger, being blinded by anger and hoping the sun won't go down on our anger, not to mention blowing our tops, unleashing our fury and experiencing road rage. Each of those idioms is immediately understandable because anger is something that impacts the whole of humanity. And that's true across both space and time; one of the above idioms actually comes from the Pauline letter to the Ephesians, meaning we've been trying to control our tempers for thousands of years.
No doubt we've all had moments where we've found ourselves angry. Maybe we're driving somewhere in a hurry, but we missed a freeway exit so we have to unexpectedly figure out how to double back. Maybe we're on a team project, and we realize we're doing all the work. Maybe we suddenly notice that some precious keepsake of a cherished past has been destroyed while we weren't looking.
Getting angry is a part of the human experience—one of the less pretty parts but certainly not abnormal. However, letting anger run unchecked can lead to us to being exhausted from our outburst, isolated by anyone we lashed out at, and no less frustrated than we were before we blew our tops. How we deal with our anger is what makes the difference.
In fact, we can start dealing with our anger before it boils over into something we'll regret. It begins with recognizing when we're getting angry. Even if anger seems to happen in a flash, directed at something in particular—whether it's on the road or in the workplace—there can be a dozen smaller things that frayed our tempers up to that point. When we know ourselves, we are better able to recognize when we're getting angry; and if we can recognize we're getting angry, we can better keep ourselves in check as we get closer to a breaking point.
When we catch ourselves getting angry, or even if we've started to seethe, we still have time to get ourselves under control. We have to create a space—through deep breathing, through visualization, through stepping outside of and away from the situation if we can—where we can let ourselves cool off and reflect on what's really making us mad. It could be something directly in front of us, or it could be something else and we're just looking at a convenient target. Either or both could be true. What matters most is creating that abstract space where we can see what's truly going on; the 12th century Neo-Confucian philosopher Zhu Xi (also called Chu Hsi) reportedly put it this way: “When one is angry, if one can directly forget his anger and examine the right and wrong according to principle, then right and wrong will be clearly seen.
Then comes a very hard part: recognizing if we have any culpability in our rage. That's not supposed to humiliate us. Instead, it's a chance for us to recognize if there's anything we can control. We know we have little control over outside forces, but over ourselves, there we have some authority. However, we lose that authority completely when we get angry. We instinctively know that we don't make our best decisions when we're mad. It can cause us to behave unfairly, without a consideration of consequences. It's when we step back from whatever is making us angry that we have enough space to figure out how to respond in a way that's appropriate, even constructive, rather than senseless and violent.
If we create that space, we have an opportunity to refocus our anger. Anger is energy expelled into the universe, but nothing in the universe is ever lost. The energy we expel in anger has an impact on reality, and when we take the time to examine its trajectory, we likely recognize it as negative. The 20th century Southern Baptist minister Billy Graham noted that, while the energies of anger could be rightfully channeled by humanity, more often than not it was just senseless wrath. “Righteous indignation,” he said, “is usually one part righteous and nine parts indignation.”
Spiritual virtues help us through the process of quelling our anger and refocusing our energy. Perception helps us know ourselves; reflection helps us recognize the source of our anger; compassion helps us process that source, even if it's ourselves; and positiveness helps us channel the energy into something useful. Through spiritual training, anger can transcend its base direction and become clarity, understanding, forgiveness, right action and progress.
Ultimately, the goal is to return to a state of calm. Calm is equilibrium. It doesn't mean the source of our anger has vanished or our capacity for rage is gone. Rather, it means we have returned to a natural state, because calm is the natural state of things. Everything in the universe ultimately seeks balance, harmony, destiny, divine presence. Further, calm grants us the greatest perspective, since it is neither too much nor too little, giving us the most objective view of all things. Calm is the space we create through spiritual practice where we foster clarity, insight, creativity, innovation and healing.
We call it “getting angry” because letting our rage get the better of us, letting it control our focus and energy, is a building action; we call it “calming down” because that is a release, allowing us to control our anger instead of the other way around, to see clearer and do what's actually in our best interest. We should remember that while there are many idioms involving anger, there are just as many for peace and calm, and they speak to our universal capacity for forgiveness and redemption: after the storm comes the calm; to calm the waters; to be cool, calm and collected; to make a peace offering; to have peace of mind; to be at peace.
Let us pray:
Dear God,
Forgive us when we display the worst of ourselves
Through ignorance, selfishness and anger.
May we instead practice our better selves:
Perceptive rather than restrictive;
Wise rather than petty;
Harmonious rather than reckless.
Still human beings,
But striving toward the Christ within.
Amen.
“The deeds we perform are sown in the garden of life. The soil is rich, the sunshine and the seasons are harmonious. Our deeds dominate our souls, before they affect others. If our deeds are good, constructive, and based on higher realities, we reap goodness and wealth and enjoy peace, harmony and freedom. We establish a true commonwealth in the world. If our deeds are wrong, we reap bitter results, before marketing this fruit of the fallen man. Nothing is lost in life Divine order and law fill the universe and dominate the life of man.” - Hanna Jacob Doumette, “Psalms For Today”